The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2023 #05

A run of decent family films here; my eldest will try to convince you that Megamind is an absolute stone cold classic but I’m not sure if its that good. Tooth Fairy is the best of The Rock’s family films, and Bumblebee does a lot to get the bad taste of the last few Micheal Bay Transformers films out of our collective mouths. Is that because it cast John Cena? Very possibly

It seems a bit early in the day for a Tremors film but hey, someone made the choice to schedule it so we may as well go with it. The first film is a classic, and whilst there is a sense of diminishing returns with the sequels this first one is still great. We get an update of the classic Graboid monster, Burt shows up with a load of guns and it keeps hold of the charm of the original film. Well worth a watch

Another classic musical for you, despite Spielberg’s best efforts this is still the superior version

We had the Basil Rathbone version of Holmes not too long ago, here’s a modern version for you. Guy Ritchie, not a man with the highest batting average when it comes to quality films, knocked this one out of the park mainly thanks to the great central casting of Downey Jr and Law. Both are great versions of the characters, Law moving his Watson away from the bumbling characters of the Rathbone era making him much more of an equal to Downey Jr’s Holmes. You can’t deny that there’s a touch of Tony Stark with an English accent but it remains a really great interpretation of the character. One day we’ll need to do a Holmes-off to decide which is the best Holmes, someone remind me about that at some point

Look, I’m a man of simple tastes so when I see details of a Murder, She Wrote double bill that involves voodoo then thats going on the list. Ideally it would have been the one with her wearing the VR headset but we can’t have everything

Here’s a great take on the Christmas Carol concept; adding the Blackadder character and giving the story a great big twist so rather than a naughty man becoming nice, a nice man becomes naughty. A perfect fit for the character and excellently told.

Oh go on then, lets get the definitive Oliver Twist on the list because its Christmas and it should be on there somewhere. And then you can follow that with a classic Hammer Horror film because why not?

Harrison Ford didn’t step outside of his action roles too often in the 80s, but when he did the films were generally interesting at the very least. This is a great rom com, probably thanks to it being directed by Mike Nichols who marshals a great cast to tell a fairly simple story very well. Nominated for 6 Oscars, don’t you know. I didn’t, till I read that just now.

Got to watch at least one Wallace and Gromit over Christmas, am I right? This first one is more of a proof of concept that the more cinematic work that would follow, but the charm is there as well as the goofy plots.

Well, we’ve watched the rest so why not finish the series. A film turned around in 6 months to fill a gap in a release schedule, the disjointed nature of a script cobbled together is only just about covered by the cast who are starting to show their age. It does, however, have a cool bit where Jet Li pull the top off a handgun but thats as good as you get to be honest

There’s a Ridley Scott double bill for you, one from the early days to a more recent one. I think this is in the right order as there’s no way in God’s Green Earth that you can say that Gucci is better than Alien. I mean, have a go, I’ll gladly sub to your YouTube channel if you do but, really, we all know deep which is the best

Got to say, I’ve got a lot of time for Joe Carnahan; Smokin’ Aces is a good daft thrill ride, The Grey offers you Liam Neeson vrs Wolves but then takes you somewhere else entirely, but here I think the film collapses under the weight of expectations. Don’t get me wrong, its really well cast with everyone perfectly fitting into the characters established by the original TV show but it doesn’t quite click in the way that it should. I’d still give it a watch though, just don’t expect anything groundbreaking

Interesting film, essentially Death Wish but with an even older man. What takes it up a notch is the casting of Michael Caine, not only for his acting skills but also invoking the spirit of Get Carter and all his previous roles. Its not quite Taken but it’ll do

After all that violence and bloodshed, this is will be your best way to wind down the day. A cracking documentary from Scorsese, using a vast archive of footage and interviews to give Harrison the full due he deserves