The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2023 #06

There’s a big spread of films here for you on Christmas Eve Eve starting with David Bowie led muppet madness through to a rom com double bill. Feel free to ignore 2 of the films in the middle (especially Jack Frost) but you should have a good time with the rest of them

Or you could just go with some classic Humphrey Bogart films. And these really are proper classics, both of them. If you can only watch the one, then either way you’ve still got a classic to watch. Win win!

Not sure if Christmas Eve Eve counts as a Bank Holiday but guessing it must do to someone which is why we’ve got these 2 films on the docket. Escape to Victory is good, especially if you want to get a sports fan to watch a film, but The Dirty Dozen is the superior film. Lee Marvin is really underrated despite being in some belters, and this is one of the films that really supports that argument. He leads a great cast of convicts and ne’er-do-wells as they go kill a bunch of Nazis rather than rot in military prison.

Another good back to back Family Double Bill, out of the 2 I’d take Kung Fu Panda which is I think due to Grease being everywhere when I was a kid. I remember it being on TV one Summer Holiday, then the Grease Megamix hit the charts and that was it ruined. Kung Fu Panda has a kung fu panda in it which makes it the superior film

Now we’re talking! What a Christmas Double Bill this is! Two seasonal classics, both uplifting festive tales and both of them taking vastly different ways to get there. Scrooged utilises the snark of Bill Murray in a way few films do whilst taking another run at the Christmas Carol story (told you we’d have a few of these) which is just about the best version of that story, And then probably the definitive Christmas film, although I’d maybe argue its more definitive if you’re American. It has its own darkness, in that its framed around a dude trying to kill himself and that, but still ends in sheer joy. As much joy as Scrooged though? Hmmm

Dr Suess stories always tended to work better in animation, like with the Chuck Jones version of The Grinch. But Jim Carrey, and a metric ton of prosthetics, manage to make it work in live action. He’s really the selling point of the film, if he can’t pull off The Grinch then the film fails but the character is an almost perfect use of his manic energy. The set design is top notch, it does have a plastic sheen to everything but then that seems to just help the heightened reality of Whoville. Certainly in the Top 5 Jim Carrey films

Its a route one idea for a Christmas film (a bunch of cute Junior School kids putting on their Nativity show) but it works thanks to Martin Freeman holding things together. Now, Marc Wootton very brings the whole thing down playing a very irritating character but then its best to realise that thats actually the point of his character and just go with it. Its one of those films, just go with it and it’ll be fine

Do you want a Clint Eastwood double bill? Well here you go, Comedy Clint and Action Clint. Even though, to be fair that those 2 versions of Clint aren’t exacly a million miles away from each other. Give Dirty Harry an orangutan for a partner and you’d have pretty decent comedy without too much effort. Man, that would be awesome.

Elmore Leonard is a great writer with his work forming the basis for one of Tarantino’s best films, so it’ll probably be worth your time to give this a watch. And it might help out for later, which is foreshadowing

Here’s an interesting couple of shows, both from Michael Parkinson back in his 1970s pomp. The first is basically a Morecambe and Wise clip show, which isn’t exactly the worst thing in the world and as its post their really good Christmas shows the clips should be really good. And then a random episode of Parky with Liberace which should be an interesting one

Wow, Channel 4 really knocking it out of the park today! After 2 previous definitive Christmas films we then get Die Hard! And yes, that whole thing feels played out now but thats thanks to boring folks who hate fun. And after that we have Scent of a Woman which I don’t remember being that Christmassy? I mean, it is at Thanksgiving to its almost there but not quite. Ho-ho-hoo-ah? Sorry.

I think when I reviewed this on Letterboxd back when I saw it at the cinema I dubbed it Meh-chete which I thought was a pretty good joke that still stands up. It was a great idea when it was a trailer for the Grindhouse films but it can’t quite make it when its stretched out over a full running time. Danny Trejo is still cracking though, you can’t deny that.

2 stars for Rocky III is a borderline crime; yes, its not brilliant but its still up there when it comes to the Rocky overall standings. Mr T makes for a great villain, you’ve got one of the best training montages and has Eye of The Tiger booming out of the soundtrack.Whats not to like about that?

See, this is why you watched that Elmore Leonard documentary earlier. Right here is probably the best film version of one of his books, firmly establishing George Clooney as a cool dude and getting rid of some of the Batman and Robin stink. Its also still remains one of Jennifer Lopez’s best films, and is the film that put Soderbergh on the mainstream radar. And its a belter! A brilliant soundtrack, a great crime story, great acting, its cracking!