The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2022 #13

New Year’s Eve is always a bit of a weird day, so why not start it with a classic tale of obsession in the Old West, then a big historical war film. Zulu is a film that can easily be read as either totally racist or anti-colonial that deserves a deeper reading and consideration, rather than just being used to wrap yourself in a tattered flag to promote how good Brexit is

Another film where Pixar will absolutely wreck you given half a chance. Its also one of Pixar’s best lookers; basing the film around the Day of The Dead celebrations gives it a superb art style, and will entice in the fans of Grim Fandango at the very least

More childlike whimsy from Pixar that suddenly takes a left turn and has you blubbering in the cinema like a fool

Spielberg’s remake is meant to be real good, but I bet its still not quite as good as the original. A big, full blooded, proper musical full of top drawer songs that looks amazing. A proper masterpiece.

Catch me on the right day and I’ll tell you, right to your face, that Kelly’s Heroes is Eastwood’s secret best film. Honestly, it is. No, it is. Its a brilliant WWII caper film with a great cast and an anti-war vibe that still works. And then another Dirty Harry film because you’ve pretty much seen all the rest so may as well catch em all.

Here’s a triple bill for you; it starts with Ang Lee’s Hulk which at the same time really understands the psychological issues that underpins the character, and also amplifies the comic book side of things with picture in picture sequences making it look like actual pages from the comic. Its well daft in places with an overly complicated origin for the Hulk and a villain that borders on being brilliant before it gets overwhelmed by CGI. Then we have a much better comic adaptation, with it being an absolute crime that we never had a third film. Then not a comic film, but DiCaprio fighting a bear in order to win an Oscar. What a ride those films will be

This Indiana Jones film, it’s not perfect; whilst the first film celebrated the best of the serial adventures that were its inspiration, this film feels like it’s picking at the worst bits; the racist stereotypes, the constantly screaming female lead, it all feels a bit regressive. It just about gets away with it thanks to the sheer force of action in the film, with some amazing sequences like the whole mine cart sequence. It’s real good, just doesn’t have the sharp edges taken off like the first film did

It seems like at some point, if you’re a martial arts action hero star, you will end up playing your own twin Jackie Chan did it, Van Damme did it way too may times, and here Jet Li does it as well. Its a daft film, but is about 20 years ahead of the game with it comes to putting the multiverse into films so it has that going for it

The way TV shows were just lost still seems bonkers; shows were broadcast live and just gone, or recorded and then the tapes wiped when they needed to record something else. In today’s era of MAXIMUM CONTENT it just seems weird. Which is why its great when stuff like this happens, when a random tape is found and there you go, theres that episode back again

We’re into the part of the day now when its ‘what will we watch at midnight’, and ITVs option for you its a comedy special that ends 20 minutes before midnight, so we can squeeze in the news then cut to Big Ben. I mean, why? Why the news? Makes no sense.

Or you could just watch a film? Great cast this, a great look at 2 iconic film stars at the tail end of their career. Not the most thrill packed way to see in the New Year but its an option

If want a couple of films that are a bit more blood pumping that you have these two; Sexy Beast, whilst it shouldn’t really be considered part of the post-Lock Stock British Gangster explosion, is still the best film of the post-Lock Stock British Gangster explosion mainly thanks to Ben Kingsley’s rip-roaring performance. And then you have what should really be called Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a big huge splurge of a film with over the top art design matched only by Gary Oldman’s central performance all of which is chopped off at the knees thanks to the horrific miscasting of Keanu Reeves

Or you could have this, with the bloke who nearly won us Eurovision brought it to lead a variety show that also covers the fireworks at midnight so you don’t have to have News forced on you. It’ll probably be rubbish, but if you just want something on in the background until the fireworks then it’ll do the job

But you’ll probably end up with this, because thats just what happens at New Year.