The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2022 #01

We’ll get this one out of the way early doors; if you need rubbish Christmas films on as background noise for wrapping paper or a party or whatever then this channel has your back from now till the New Year. Just don’t overdo it, okay? Everything in moderation.

Speaking of things in moderation; you don’t have to do it (you really don’t) but you could sit down today and watch all the Shrek films. You don’t have to, but you could. I imagine it would be a good exercise in how that early realistic Dreamworks CG style just hasn’t aged that well. Seeing Shrek in the cinema earlier in the year made that very clear, so they probably would stand up to viewing a little better in the home. Maybe.

This isn’t a Christmas film at all but its still a classic. And I’m glad we’re getting beyond that snarky internet led “its all about a mom wanting to have sex with her son, hur hur hur” talk that was popular a few years ago. In my mind its always been a film about two pals on an adventure with probably the best movie score of the 80s

The era of the comedy duo is fast disappearing into the rear view mirror; the era of Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies, even Canon and Ball being lynchpins of mainstream TV seem like a lifetime ago. And, lets be honest, it is. Shows like this will keep it visible for a few people, like me, who grew up on this stuff. But hanging on to things that remind you of a time long gone isn’t that healthy, so lets enjoy this clip show whilst we can.

Now, since we’re banging on about nostalgia, why not recommend the Christmas Special of a 1970s sitcom? “Silly, but its Fun” pretty much sums up The Good Life as a whole, but quite why its paired with the most 90s of all shows isn’t that clear. Nostalgia for 2 generations back to back, can’t have any complaints with that

Now here’s a palate cleanser; proof (if it was ever needed) that Clint Eastwood was always someone who ploughed his own furrow. After westerns and Dirty Harry films, why not do a knockabout comedy about bare knuckle fighting starring an orangutan as a comedy sidekick? Every one said it was a bad idea, the critics didn’t like it, so it made over $100m. The 70s, amirite?

One thing you can count on at this time of year is ITV4 throwing out some double headers that are always at least really good. Which is what we have here; it’s not the best Rocky film by a mile but then you get a really good action WWII film to send you off to bed

Or you could be watching this instead: Jason Statham versus a giant shark? Yes please, thank you sir. As dumb films go its no Moonfall but its still crammed full of daft ideas and ridiculous set pieces which is all you can ask for really

Here’s a random one; remember that period in the 80s when fantasy films were a thing? Stuff like Excalibur, Krull, Willow and all that? Here’s another one, with some cast but without the reputation of the others; it doesn’t have the over the top violence of Excalibur, its not as weird fantasy as Krull and doesn’t have the budget of Willow. Still worth a watch, although something like this would benefit from a mid morning slot rather than just after midnight

If you’re still up this is probably a good time to watch a film like this; it may not be Carpenter’s best but its still a decent little horror film that will scratch a certain itch at half two in the morning