The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2022 #08

I do have a real soft spot for this film as saw this a few times at the cinema when it came out. Its not brilliant, but it sure hits the spot on a Boxing Day morning

A couple of 60s classics for you now, both great but with caveats; Breakfast has its infamous racial stereotype character with Mickey Rooney somehow cast as a Japanese photographer, and Lady does away with the original ending of Pygmalion which has a much empowering finale. So both are really good but also very much of their time so, you know, fair warning

Its not often that the kids channels get a look in, generally because it’s just wall to wall regular shows rather than anything Christmas specific. But thought this was worth highlighting, mainly because its one of the best Batman films in recent memory. The recent Lego films have all at least been pretty good (even the Ninjago one) and this is pretty much at the top of that list.

Two of the big modern Disney hitters here, although I would put Frozen way down the list as I don’t rate it at all. Oh, its good to watch and the story is excellent but the songs are vastly overrated. Tangled or Princess and The Frog have far superior soundtracks to Frozen and yet that was the film that became an iconic worldwide smash so what do I know? Big Hero 6 has no songs but it looks great and has a big emotional punch to it as well. Both recommended, but if you can only catch one go for one with the robot

Yeah, alright, its not real Who but its still good fun, despite how ropey it is in parts. Those colourful Daleks still look cracking so it definitely did do something right

Thats right, a whole afternoon of a Ken Burns documentary about Vietnam. Oh good golly gosh what a time this will be; And this is just the first 5 parts, the rest on the next day so don’t forget to set that season record, then get settled in for some proper Old Dad TV watching

Now this is actually a perfect film, top to bottom. There’s not a thing about it you would change, nope it did everything completely correct with no issues whatsoever. I mean, fine, alright, the accent. Yes, the kids are a bit too posh, I’ll give you that, but the rest of the film is totally bang on

We had a chat a couple of days ago (maybe) about that time when movie studios were thrashing around grabbing whatever books they could to try and find the next Potter level success, one of which was Percy Jackson. Which I liked, my eldest really it enjoyed it at the time and that was about it. It got a sequel, then it all went away and now its coming back on Disney+ like everything else. And then you have Sister Act to help scratch that musical itch that normally lands in the middle of the afternoon. Or is that just me?

One from the top drawer of kids films here, and probably the best adaption of a Roald Dahl book this side of Fantastic Mr Fox. Again, its the great casting from top to bottom that drives the film as well as not shying away from the sharp edges that come with the Dahl stories. Its a proper good time, can’t comment if its better than the new musical version so you’ll have to wait for that opinion.

This came out no where and was proper brilliant; using a similar art style to the Spiderverse film it looked amazing and had a story to match. Great pace, funny and loads of heart, its brilliant. Would have loved to have seen this in the cinema but it ended up on Netflix which is a bit of a crime if we’re honest. Still, give it a watch as its really good

Here’s an opinion; I would love to watch this film with the songs taken out and the full Elmer Bernstein score still in place. Its not that I don’t love the songs, they’re an intrinsic part of the film but still, it would be nice. The only real question is how much of the ghost blow job scene they’ll show but given the time I expect not much

Big old western here, with a big old score and a big cast giving it plenty. I guess this would be near enough the last of the classic western period, before the Spaghetti Westerns and Peckinpah came in and shook things up. This one more than holds it own though, even against the classics that are to come a few years down the line

A bit more Les Dawson for you, the title makes this seem a bit more of a compilation list show than a documentary but the fact that its showing a decent breadth of his career is a good thing so should be a good watch

When Jackie Chan finally broke America it was pretty obvious we weren’t going to get another Police Story or a Drunken Master II. As Indiana Jones would say, its not the years its the mileage and by the late 90s Jackie had seen a lot of miles. But we did get some good films, and here’s two of them back to back. Like I say, its not top level Jackie but there’s enough chemistry between the two leads to keep the films bouncing along, even if the sequel is a bit of a step down from the first

I know, I know, it’s not exactly top level detective action but its still a nice warm hug of a show; well drawn characters, a nice looking location and a decent mystery to pick at as you eat a big sandwich full of Christmas dinner leftovers. Just try and tell me that doesn’t sound like a really nice way to spend an evening

An interesting double bill here; the return of a beloved sitcom centred around the laid back coming and goings of a pair of metal detector enthusiasts followed by the definitive modern Mafia film. A bit of a chalk and cheese combination? Maybe, but still a pretty good way to spend an evening

Right, I’m not going to lie but there’s a lot on at 9 o’clock tonight so a lot of this is to highlight something to catch on the iPlayer or whatever later on. A whole evening of Robbie Coltrane may fall into that category, not that the shows here won’t be enjoyable. The only sticking point is if its his BBC work then you’re going to miss out on Cracker, arguably his best work but who knows, maybe it will branch out. Then I’ve flagged the next show as I remember it being a big thing when I was younger, specifically remember my parents making sure to tape it so it might be something worth a watch

Its not often that the third film in a trilogy nails it but, boy howdy, does Die Hard with a Vengeance nail it. Like, really properly nails it. Is there a better third film in a series? Maybe Toy Story 3? Thats the only one that comes to mind, but that doesn’t have a cracking car chase through Central Park

I envy people who have never seen a Fast film coming to the series for the first time. I’m not sure if there is a film series that escalates in the same way this one does; it starts with stealing VCRs by this film you have a car chase with one of the vehicles being a nuclear submarine. Its dumb as a bag of hammers and brilliantly so

Going through all the episodes of Poirot there is a very clear delineation in the series; for the longest time its a nice comfy hour of television on a sunday night, then at a certain point in the late 90s it becomes one of those event TV franchises that pops up maybe once or twice a year with longer bigger budget episodes. Ands these are two episodes from that second half, in fact Poirot’s Christmas is the first of that switch to feature length episodes, and then Orient Express is from 9 years later. The difference between the two really stands out when put side to side; Christmas still feels like that sunday night TV show, its not even in widescreen for goodness sake, whereas Express clearly has much more of a budget and more of a cinematic flair. Christmas comes out on top though as it has the iconic opening credits, they were removed by the time of Express which is as much of a crime as any Poirot himself ever investigated

Yes mate, more John Carpenter, probably mid-tier but still a great spooky campfire tale of a film. I mean that literally, thats how the film starts. And then more horror, with an early David Cronenberg film that remains a cult favourite. A lovely way to end Boxing Day, if you’re so inclined

Or you could just watch a Rocky film. Yes, its a modern one so but its still good and much better than something like Rocky V. Thats the thing though with the Rocky films, you hear about them and you get a “well, whatever” kind of feeling, but as soon as that music starts the blood starts pumping and you’re begging for them to start the training montage

One of the great black comedy war films, it still has a power thanks to its bleak humour in the face of human devastation. Some parts of it are very problematic when viewed with a modern lens, mainly the treatment of Major Houlihan which feels like something from the teen sex comedies that would follow in the 70s and 80s. Its cultural impact, putting the TV show to one side, its still huge and is a defining film for Robert Altmann so well worth your time as long as you know what you’re getting going in