The Christmas TV Strategy Guide 2021

Yeah, its a cliche choice for Christmas TV but its a cliche choice for a reason; its a really really good family film.

As with most things these days, before properly approaching this film you have to deal with how you feel about one of the cast members; in this case, namely Johnny Depp. Have no time for him anymore? No problem, totally understand. Feel you can separate the art from the artist? Also no problem. If you can do that then you get to watch what is probably Gore Verbinski’s best film. Wait, he did Mouse Hunt. If you can do that then you get to watch what is probably Gore Verbinski’s second best film.

Pete’s Dragon dispenses with a lot of the whimsy and cartoonyness of the original film and keeps it’s feet a bit more planted in the real world. Well, other than the giant dragon and that. Also, not going to lie, the opening is a proper gut punch up there with the start of Up so forewarned is forearmed and all that. After that you get what some people would say is the best Wallace and Gromit film. And it very nearly is, for me it doesn’t quite have a joke that beats the reveal of Feathers McGraw from The Wrong Trousers

YES MATE. In this house Christmas doesn’t start until you get a load of big burly lads lifting heavy things or pulling heavy things or throwing heavy things, This best of Christmas Traditions and no mistake

More nostalgia, this one from before I was born so it’s more of a look into the world as it was just before I was born. To be honest some of the names noted down in the list don’t exactly fill me with confidence but there might be some other good stuff in there. Maybe?

BBC4 has a solid run of these sort of films; taking celebrity stories and acting them out. The high point is probably the one about Steptoe and Son but this one should be good as well. After all, everyone loves Morecambe and Wise

I mean, as concepts go its a good one; thanks to a virus Scotland gets walled off until many years later a team of soldiers need to Mad Max their way into there for some reason I’ve forgotten. Neil Marshall hasn’t exactly set the world on fire in the last few years (Hellboy was alright I guess) but his early films are really good. This is probably the tipping point when things started pointing the other way a bit too much

Or you could just watch Die Hard. Look, I know, we started with a cliche and we’re ending (nearly) with one but its here for a reason; its a genuine classic with themes that do reflect the festive holiday (family being the main one) whilst at the same time having Bruce Willis blowing away European terrorists so it really is the best of both world

This is a good one to have on at Christmas and I’ll tell you for why; I had this on VHS as a kid, as I’m sure a lot of us did, and I believed it. When the text came up at the end about all of Frank Dux’s achievement, I believed it. And then when I grew up and found out that at best it was a bit of a tall tale and outright lies at worst? It was like finding out that Santa didn’t exist. Still, at least I can always go back and watch Bloodsport and enjoy one of the greatest cinematic friendships.